what i've learned.

That time I bungy jumped off a bridge like a common loon. 

I graduated college exactly one month ago. I am four weeks removed from my college career. And while most days I stare accusingly at the diploma on my nightstand, thinking why didn't college prepare me for important things in life, like securing a job and doing my own taxes?, I'm slowly realizing that thousands of life lessons were baked into those endless semesters of higher education. And yeah, yeah, this thought has been realized a million times in a million different ways by twenty-somethings from here to Timbuktu, but part of growing up is recognizing that you're learning those lessons and processing them in your own time and in your own way. I don't even know why I feel the need to justify this post to you, Reader, because you probably aren't even there. So ha! Anyway. Here goes.


What I've Learned (For Posterity's Sake):  

One. Greater risk, greater reward. I've made so many safe decisions. Too many safe decisions. From picking my major to picking internships to picking friends, I played at life like a girl in a giant hamster ball. I stuck to things I was good at, and to people who I knew were like me. In instances where I pushed the envelope and did something unexpected, I gained a lot. You'll have to push past the pain and the awkwardness and the uncomfortableness, and it will take time, believe me, but the other side is fantastic. Remember: Nobody likes a girl in a hamster ball.

Two. People who were once your friend will maybe not want to continue being your friend (for reasons that might have everything or nothing to do with your personage). I won't say I learned the hard way, because all paths to losing a friend are difficult, but I learned that you will come across a handful of people in your life who fit like a glove, who feel like dropping marshmallows into steaming hot chocolate, who you think you could never live without, yet you inexplicably lose them all the same. Maybe you made the mistake, maybe they misunderstood you. Maybe you think if you badger them with enough inclusive thoughts and insights and questions they'll return. Maybe you'll never understand why they left in the first place. Maybe you'll continue being acquaintances and never have the satisfaction of knowing why your friendship couldn't evolve and continue. Sometimes you just have to swallow that rejection, smile, and continue on your way.

Three. Be kind and be inclusive and if you're doing those, for lord's sake be spontaneous. It is too easy these days to put others down, to distance yourself from people who are strange or socially unresponsive. The kind of dull, pulseless people you want to take a defibrillator to and demand, "SHOW ME YOUR PERSONALITY, I KNOW YOU HAVE ONE" between electric pulses. But including someone doesn't mean you'll contract whatever socially awkward disease they suffer from. Including someone doesn't mean that they'll follow you around like a lost puppy dog for the rest of eternity, and it doesn't mean that others will judge you for hanging out with that person (if you know people like that, ditch 'em fast. The social pariah is preferable company).

To be inclusive it to tell someone, "Hey, you matter to me and to this community and I want to get to know you better." Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about, yadda yadda. It's true. So be kind. And if you're already a master at that, always suggest spontaneous outings to random acquaintances. People dig spontaneous shit. Specifically late night missions and crazy adventures in locations including but not limited to: exclusive academic halls, fast food establishments, and closed athletic fields. Be sure to bring at least two people you wouldn't usually hang out with.

Four. It's so, so hokey but I am a firm believer in telling the Universe what you want. Like standing out in the pouring rain at 3am after a horrible night and declaring, loudly, "Universe, this night sucked. I could really use a win. Thank you." Nine times out of ten, the Universe will listen when you are vulnerable enough to tell it what you want.*

*For the skeptics out there, it's less about allowing mystical forces to exact your bidding, and more about sharpening your focus and desires. When you can translate intangible wants and needs into concrete specifics, and alert yourself to those specifics, you're more motivated to go after that job/grade/love interest.

Five. Don't let others sneakily dictate who you are. Nobody told me how easy it would be to fall into an established archetype in college. Upperclassmen and professors luuurve to tell you exactly who you remind them of and why, and treat you accordingly. I know, I've done it. For them, it's much easier option compared to learning about your individual quirks and personality traits and subsequently adjusting their initial conception of you. Being reserved in a class does not give others the right to generalize and label you "shy" or "prudish." The thing here is to just ignore what they think. Yes, it's hard when you're going out for a club and the vice president thinks you're a little hellion because she witnessed you drunk dancing to "Partition" on a bartop three months ago. But don't allow yourself to become a hellion just because it's what people expect from you. You are a constantly evolving, glorious Monarch butterfly. You don't fit in a box. You aren't capable of being labelled anything besides "AWESOME." You belong in a garden with other butterflies who love and adore you, dammit. Don't settle for any less.

Bonus: Good music and long drives cure all things. Especially "Stop This Train" when you need a v. good, cathartic cry.

xo
Sarah