spinning.

I moved to New York exactly three weeks ago. Obviously it's the craziest, most impulsive thing I've ever done (minus that quick stint at Chapel Hill). I wake up every morning beaming with optimism and a heart warmed by the belief that I'm on the cusp of something brilliant, that everything will fall into place like puzzle pieces fitting together. Today is the first day, though, that I woke up and didn't feel that exhilaration. Maybe it's because the first email of the day I sent was incorrectly addressed in its salutation. (Foolish and a reason a recruiter should trash my resume immediately.) Maybe it's because my first real, longterm boyfriend has moved on two months after our breakup and I still wail like dying animal listening to this on repeat. Maybe because this is all very, very scary and I feel ill equipped to deal with this sudden, sharp, and unexpected turn my life has taken.

My mom likes to chant, "Greater risk, greater reward" during exceptionally anxious moments. My dad believes that "You have to climb thorny branches to get to the best fruit." What if those idioms don't work in my favor? I know all it takes is one "yes" but right now I'm facing a lot of "no's"... actually, I don't even get the benefit of rejection. I just get silence. I think that's worse.